Undoing absolutism in the body — Foundation Movement & Fitness

What does it mean to do less?

Growing up, I was terrified of being “less than perfect.” Overachieving was the norm. Perfect grades. Perfect attendance. Everything had to be perfect. On the inside, I was living in hell. Most of my teenage years were spent starving myself, weighing myself, working out obsessively, hating my body, and destroying myself in plain sight. My eating disorder was how I coped with the stress of unprocessed childhood trauma and abuse. Aspiring towards perfection brought me a sense of control over my life. It also made me extremely hard on myself.

I’m sharing this because, until a few years ago, I would cringe and contract at the idea of “doing less.” First, the concept felt foreign to my body. Second, the notion of “doing less” made me feel like I was admitting weakness. And thirdly, but most importantly, I had a deep fear that doing less would mean that I was no longer worthy of belonging. Doing less felt deeply un-safe.

But there came a point where my body would no longer let me push through the pain. In order to heal from trauma and repair my relationship with my body, I had to learn how to do less, or face serious, potentially permanent damage to my nervous system.

For me, doing less meant realizing “just because I *can* endure this, it doesn’t mean that I have to.” Instead, I started listening to my body, affirming my own needs, and then acting on them.

What I learned was that “doing less” is actually a practice of self-compassion. It meant choosing to listen to myself and acting with self-trust, instead of plowing through whatever I was feeling in order to meet the absolutes set by those around me.

Ultimately, learning to “do less” helped me trust my own sense of “enough”--it helped me learn that my “enough” was not determined by anyone else but me. And this sense of “enough” gave me the space to repair my relationship with my body and get back in the driver’s seat of my life after trauma.

As a dance and healing movement teacher who specializes in helping people re-connect with their bodies after trauma, I have to remind my students all the time that it is ok to attend to their needs in real time. I don’t mind repeating myself because once it finally clicks, they start to move with their bodies instead of working against themselves.

It takes time for people to trust “doing less.” As I’ve hopefully demonstrated from my story, there can be a lot of shame attached to “doing less.” It can be incredibly difficult to tap out early, not finish the set, or stop to rest. Believe me, I’ve felt it. Your clients and students may be afraid to look “lazy”, “weak”, or “incapable” if they do less than what you ask.

So what can you do to help?

Here’s 4 tips that you can implement immediately:

Create psychological safety around doing less. Let your clients and students know that listening to the body is valid, and they have full permission to attend to their needs during your session, class or workout.
Offer different verbal and non-verbal options to communicate and have your clients and students practice using them (ex: use the “Time Out” signal to call for a break).
Model doing less. Be an example. Do the variations for lower impact. Acknowledge your own needs. Show that it’s ok to practice self-compassion.
Incorporate somatic techniques in your practice to help them connect with their bodies and regulate their nervous systems, so that they can feel more grounded and present during your time together.

Your clients and students may really struggle with the concept of listening to their bodies in a non-judgmental way. It may feel new and really scary, but here is a quick and effective somatic technique you can use to help them practice this life-changing skill.

First, check in with your client or student about what feelings, thoughts, or sensations they notice at this moment. They don’t have to share their findings with you, but they can if that is invited. Maintain a sense of non-judgement and curiosity.

Next, get their consent to try a breathwork technique I call “Bubble Magic”. This requires a bit of imagination and you might feel just a little bit silly, but I promise it’s worth it.

Grab your imaginary bubble wand and blow a big bubble. Use a deep, long exhale to blow your bubble, instead of a short burst–you don’t want your bubble to pop. Imagine the color, shape, and texture of your bubble. What does it look like? Can you imagine it filling the space? Do Bubble Magic for a 3-5 rounds of breath, or until satisfied.

Now, check in again to see what feelings, thoughts or sensations are present. Is there any new information gathered from the body? Any changes from the first check in? They may feel like they can’t sense anything or feel numb, and that’s ok as well. After this practice, invite your clients or students to practice attending to their needs in real time. They may get water, grab a snack, or even close their eyes to rest a moment.

For more somatic techniques like “Bubble Magic” to incorporate into your practice, you’re invited to check out my Feelin’ Better Toolkit. In it, I share my top 5 most effective and essential techniques for helping people rapidly regulate the nervous system so they can feel better in their bodies after trauma.

I hope these tips and techniques help you better support your students and clients by creating space to “do less.”

Let me know in the comments what you thought of this post! Thanks for reading.